brief articles for busy clergy
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Regaining Momentum With Setbacks
Transpersonal psychiatrist Roberto Assagioli distinguishes between will power and skillful will. Sometimes force is not the answer. For me, learning to drive growing up in Minnesota meant learning how to deal with being stuck in the snow. One key is not using too much force, not spinning the wheels, since it destroys traction. I enjoyed learning the rocking method of how to get unstuck after the car had been parked and felt pretty smart when I mastered the technique in comparison to other drivers who spun their wheels in frustration, making matters worse, or those who just gave up unnecessarily. My dad taught me to get a car unstuck by gently accelerating forward until momentum stops. Then you quickly let up on the gas and allow the car to rock backward till backward motion stops and then again nudge it forward, this time a little harder, until it is stopped again, when you repeat the process. This way backward motion is used to help forward progress instead of working against it. Timing is everything, as is patience and gentleness.
Does the rocking technique also work with personal self-care and personal growth? Can backward movement help forward progress? I think it can. Personal change is all about momentum. When we run into barriers, have setbacks, backslides or disappointments, how we respond to them makes all the difference. These things certainly happen with wellness practices and self-care, like our diets or exercise practices. When we backslide, if we slam on the breaks, we lose all momentum. When we think, "Now I'm back to square one", we stop momentum – unnecessarily. This is all or nothing thinking. We believe and act as if the positive steps we have taken no longer matter, which is not true. We know that people who successfully lose weight and keep it off "bounce back" quickly when they backslide. Also, when we criticize ourselves for steps backward, we destroy momentum. Instead, to recognize that backward steps can happen when we run into resistance helps us not be demoralized when it occurs. But we can't wait long before taking the positive steps forward again. When you find you have taken steps back in diet or exercise, for example, assess the situation quickly and continue on. Don't stop.
Not stopping, I learned, was helpful in winter driving, though slowing down might be necessary at times. When the light changed ahead of me, instead of coming to a complete stop in heavy snow or slippery conditions, I learned it was better to just slow down early and keep a little forward progress going, if possible, until the light turns green again. Anticipation is the key. How this translates to personal self-care is to recognize when a trip, for example, will mean a change in exercise routine. Instead of stopping entirely when your schedule doesn't permit your usual routine, find small ways to keep the practice going. If at a conference you don't have time for your usual exercise regimen, for example, do a little walking after each meal, just to keep some momentum going. Learning to work effectively with momentum makes self-care and personal change a lot easier, and a lot more fun.
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