self-care for
clergy & the psychological aspects of ministry
brief articles for busy clergy
___________________________________________________________
Dear Clergy and Church Professionals:
Welcome to our online publication for church professionals. Our goal is to bring you brief articles and information that can help with self-care, stress and the psychological aspects of ministry.
To change your email address for this publication, please use the List Builder link at the bottom of this email. Colleagues who wish to subscribe should be directed to http://www.psycheandspirit.com.
======================================
In this issue:
1. Addictions Protect Themselves
2. Do I Have an Eating Disorder?
3. “Quotagious” Thoughts . . .
4. Pastors Worshipping on Vacation
5.
Therapeutic Passwords
=================================
1. Addictions Protect Themselves
=================================
Addictive and compulsive behaviors promote themselves and protect themselves.
Problem drinking or drug use, gambling, pornography and sexual compulsions,
compulsive shopping, and problem eating all have ways to get us to indulge
them. Understanding how they do so helps us resist them and not give them
energy.
They promote themselves by setting up the circumstances that make it harder for us to resist them. They seduce us with thoughts about them, with anticipation of the short-term pleasure they will bring. They promote themselves by lying to us that they are actually quite harmless, by getting us to think short term, so we ignore the harm they will do (“Just one more won’t hurt. You deserve it.”). They promote isolation and secrecy, so they won’t be exposed for what they are. They degrade us so we lose self-respect and don’t care that we are losing control of our lives to harmful indulgence.
We can resist. We resist, not by struggling, but by turning away and relaxing, so relief is obtained without the indulgence. The12 step program reminds us with the acronym HALT of the weakened states that make us more vulnerable to relapse. HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. These are stress on our system. They are the states that make us most vulnerable. I think the relationship is two way. The pain of the unmet needs seeks indirect relief through the addictions or compulsions. But the latter can also take on a life of their own, actually promoting these weakened state so they can then exploit the vulnerability. Overworked, our days out of balance, our basic needs not met, we are easier pickings for addictions and compulsions. The thoughts and beliefs that lead us to create vulnerable states in ourselves, while perhaps well intentioned, come to act as co-conspirators with the addictions and compulsions.
Preventive action to reduce the vulnerability goes a long way. Eating healthy, not justifying overworking, taking brief rest breaks throughout the day, protecting sleep, addressing the sources of anger and tending to your social needs – all go a long way toward helping us not have unmet needs that get diverted into unhealthy urges. Nor are we then in a weakened state that the addictions and compulsions can exploit. (AM)
=================================
2. Do I Have an Eating Disorder?
=================================
People often wonder how to know whether they have an eating disorder and whether they may benefit from professional help for eating problems. People who struggle with food issues fall along a continuum from having severe disturbances in eating behavior including anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa to binge-eating, overeating, and/or using food to cope with emotions.
Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder where a person refuses to maintain a minimally normal body weight (<85% of normal for their height and weight), is intensely afraid of gaining weight, and has a significant disturbance in the perception of the shape or size of their body, and in post-adolescent females, the weight loss results in the loss of menses for at least three months. When restricting, people with anorexia lose weight through dieting, fasting or excessive exercise. They overly rely on weight as a way to evaluate themselves and their fear of getting fat may actually increase even with weight loss. Also, they tend to deny the medical seriousness of their malnourished state which can include anemia, impaired renal function, osteoporosis and cardiac problems. Anorexia can be a life-threatening condition and can definitely be helped with psychotherapy with a clinician who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders. Medical follow-up and assistance from a registered dietician are often part of the recovery process.
Bulimia Nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by binge eating and some form of purging at least twice per week for three months or longer. A binge is defined as eating in a discrete period of time (usually less than two hours) an amount of food that is definitely larger than most individuals would eat under similar circumstances. Typical binge foods include sweet, high calorie foods. People with bulimia are ashamed of their eating problems and often binge in secrecy. Further, they feel a lack of control over bingeing behavior, either that they can’t stop or control how much they are eating. Binges are typically triggered by a depressed mood, relationship stress, intense hunger after restricting food intake or feelings about body image. Depressed mood often follows a binge. Purging is a way of trying to compensate for the binge eating and includes vomiting, the misuse of laxatives and diuretics or excessive exercise. Exercise is considered excessive when it significantly interferes with important activities, when it occurs at inappropriate times or in inappropriate settings, or when the individual continues to exercise despite injury or other medical conditions. Like people with anorexia, people with bulimia place an excessive emphasis on their body shape or weight in determining their self-esteem. However, people with bulimia are usually within a normal weight range or just slightly over- or under-weight. Associated medical conditions include electrolyte imbalances which can be life-threatening, permanent loss of dental enamel, enlarges salivary glands, and gastro-intestinal problems. Like anorexia, bulimia is treatable with the help of a mental health professional.
A person can be considered to have an atypical eating disorder if they meet all but one of the criteria for either anorexia or bulimia. For example, a woman could have all of the symptoms of anorexia except lack of menses and still be considered to have an eating disorder.
Then there is a wide range of problematic eating such as binge eating, overeating and stress eating. Some questions to consider in determining whether a person compulsively overeats are: Do you eat when you’re not hungry? Do you have eating binges? Do you have feelings of guilt or remorse after overeating? Do you eat differently in front of others than you do alone? Do you eat to escape worries or stress? Do you spend too much time and thought on food? Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone? (See http://www.oa.org/is_oa.html the website for Overeaters Anonymous, a 12-step recovery model for support.)
Psychotherapy can be helpful for compulsive overeating because it may be related to other problems such as difficulty coping with stress or even as a symptom of underlying depression. A therapist can help a person understand the relationship between eating and other issues and can help them develop a broad range of healthy coping strategies for dealing with stressors or managing their mood. Creating a personalized plan for self-care is part of the therapy process and benefits people with a range of eating disorders or problematic eating. If you are concerned about your eating patterns, a meeting with a psychotherapist can help determine the best course of action for you (MW).
===============================
3. “Quotagious” Thoughts . . .
===============================
“Addiction resides in what is often referred to as our reptilian brains, and -- well, alligators don’t come when they’re called.”
-George Vaillant
“One eye sees, the other feels.”
-Paul Klee
“The sun will not rise or set without my
notice, and thanks.”
-Winslow Homer
==================================
4. Pastors Worshipping on Vacation
==================================
Summer vacations can be a time when pastors are able to sit in the pew and worship as just another believer and not through the lens of a professional worship leader.
As I have noted previously, non-musicians listen to music with their right hemispheres, enjoying the music and allowing it to lead them into an emotional experience. In contrast, professional musicians listen with their left hemispheres, analyzing what the musicians are doing. When I ask pastors what hemisphere they use while worshipping without being the worship leader, they laugh knowingly. They, too, are analyzing - in this case, how the worship is being conducted and the strength of the sermon message, how it is constructed and delivered.
We can stop analyzing when
we decide to. It is helpful to place this as the intent before the worship
space is entered. The longer we are outside any role, the easier it is to drop
it. The more Sundays in a row of worshiping outside one’s role, the easier it
is to not analyze. But if you catch yourself doing so despite your intentions,
simply switch your focus from your thoughts to the feeling content of what is
happening and the things that evoke those feelings - the visuals, the sounds,
the smells, the sense of community, the presence of God. (AM)
========================
5. Therapeutic Passwords
========================
When there are qualities we want to strengthen
in ourselves, we think of putting sticky notes up as reminders in places we are
likely to see them – the bathroom mirror, the car dash board, or the computer
screen. Another idea is to use passwords as reminders. “Compassion,”
“acceptance,” “contentment” – whatever is the quality we wish to keep before
us. In this case, the word gets into our brain by both typing it out and see
it. So every time we use a password to enter our computer, email or any other
password protected device or program, we get the reminder of what we are working
to strengthen in our lives. (AM)
========================================
Psyche & Spirit is written and published by Arden Mahlberg, PhD (AM) and Meredith T Whelan, LCSW (MW). Please help us shape this newsletter to best meet your needs and interests. Email ideas and reactions to: admin@PsycheAndSpirit.com.
PLEASE NOTE: You are receiving this publication because of your position as a church professional and because you have subscribed. We do not intend to take advantage of your email address, intrude upon your privacy, or provide your email address to anyone.
========================================
Copyright © 2005 – Psyche & Spirit